Congratulations, boyfriend. I am now apathetic. Nothing's left. I'm done caring what you do, I'm done trying to talk to you about anything. Have a great birthday with the people you love more than me.
I'm sure you'll meet Miss Right in San Fran.
8.31.2006
And to top his birthday cake...
I now see on his blog that he is inviting all his little e-pals in SF to come to his party. Me? Nope. Could I feel more wanted?
God, how much more of this shit can I take????
So the boyfriend's 21st birthday is tomorrow. For months, I've been asking him what he wants, does he want to go to dinner, something. As late as today he turned me down, saying he doesn't want to drink and doesn't want to celebrate his birthday.
Then an hour later, it's my friend bought me a plane ticket to San Francisco and they are throwing me a party!
So...basically he doesn't want to do anything with ME on his birthday, is what this boils down to. Great. Whatever. I'm going to go out with my girlfriends and get roughly drunk and he can go fuck himself and his stupid e-pals and whatever whore of the night they dredge up for him to make out with on his birthday.
Then an hour later, it's my friend bought me a plane ticket to San Francisco and they are throwing me a party!
So...basically he doesn't want to do anything with ME on his birthday, is what this boils down to. Great. Whatever. I'm going to go out with my girlfriends and get roughly drunk and he can go fuck himself and his stupid e-pals and whatever whore of the night they dredge up for him to make out with on his birthday.
8.28.2006
Oh to be selectively deaf and dumb.
Look, I understand his friends are more important than I am. He's made that pretty clear by 1. always taking their side even when they hurt me on purpose just for fun, 2. spending all free time online chatting to them, rather than I don't know, having dinner with me, 3. spending any money to take weekend trips to visit these goonfucks instead of I don't know taking me out of town for a weekend.
You know I can hear you all sitting there going "Well if she is this bitchy no wonder he doesn't want to spend time with her." People you don't get it. I was MADE this way by him constantly choosing (insert anything) over me, putting me down and making me feel stupid or annoying, like I'm just a fly buzzing in his ear interrupting his irc conversations. I was made this way by being ignored, like those kids that get no socialization and turn feral, barking at anyone who comes near them. I'm going through the stages now...right now I am at the banshee stage. He wouldn't listen to me when I tried to just tell him what bothered me so now I've moved on to screaming and crying to make him hear me.
(ASIDE: By the way, ladies, men always say this shit...'well how can I change if you don't tell me what is bothering you?' Well, you then try to tell them and they inform you you are being stupid or dramatic and your feelings are invalid because whatever is bothering you isn't a big deal [basically because if it ain't a big deal to a man, then it just ain't a big deal, sugartits]. Bottom line: Men don't really want to hear anything that comes out of your mouth unless it's about them or their interests, and men don't care if you're happy, so if you aren't happy with him how he is, move on. He won't listen, and he'll never change.)
Soon enough, and I'm finding it already, I'll be moving into completel emotional withdrawl. Apparently he hasn't noticed the physical withdrawl has already started a lot, except that of course when HE wants to sit with me or sex then I better be on call and supply. If not...I get "What's wrong?" WHAT'S WRONG??? Has he not listened to me for the LAST 3 MONTHS?
More proof that with men, if it doesn't matter to them, then well it just doesn't matter at all.
You know I can hear you all sitting there going "Well if she is this bitchy no wonder he doesn't want to spend time with her." People you don't get it. I was MADE this way by him constantly choosing (insert anything) over me, putting me down and making me feel stupid or annoying, like I'm just a fly buzzing in his ear interrupting his irc conversations. I was made this way by being ignored, like those kids that get no socialization and turn feral, barking at anyone who comes near them. I'm going through the stages now...right now I am at the banshee stage. He wouldn't listen to me when I tried to just tell him what bothered me so now I've moved on to screaming and crying to make him hear me.
(ASIDE: By the way, ladies, men always say this shit...'well how can I change if you don't tell me what is bothering you?' Well, you then try to tell them and they inform you you are being stupid or dramatic and your feelings are invalid because whatever is bothering you isn't a big deal [basically because if it ain't a big deal to a man, then it just ain't a big deal, sugartits]. Bottom line: Men don't really want to hear anything that comes out of your mouth unless it's about them or their interests, and men don't care if you're happy, so if you aren't happy with him how he is, move on. He won't listen, and he'll never change.)
Soon enough, and I'm finding it already, I'll be moving into completel emotional withdrawl. Apparently he hasn't noticed the physical withdrawl has already started a lot, except that of course when HE wants to sit with me or sex then I better be on call and supply. If not...I get "What's wrong?" WHAT'S WRONG??? Has he not listened to me for the LAST 3 MONTHS?
More proof that with men, if it doesn't matter to them, then well it just doesn't matter at all.
So, a little history...
I've been living with my boyfriend for 6 months. Everything of course was fine for about two weeks until the internet called him again. It was right back to staying up all night, not just on his keyboard but suddenly there is going for walks at night, binge eating all night, showering randomly at 3am, and basically sleeping when I'm awake and waking up the minute I'm asleep to get online and go for walks.
Now I'm pretty convinced he is either cheating on me, or thinking about it. This kind of behavior is just too typical of the last ones I've seen cheat on me (especially when it's an online affair). He swears he isn't and I don't have any proof (because frankly I'm too lazy to dig for any) so I just randomly assume he is and drop it.
So...basically this is where it stands for the last oh, 5 months. I never see him, we rarely speak - unless it is for him to tell me to not talk to people online or to inform me that anything I know or have heard/read is wrong. I know he still lives with me because I hear him showering and leaving to go 'walk around' at 3am, and I clean up the Tunguska level event devastation the next morning while he mumbles 'mornin have a good day work k bye'. I just don't know if he lives with me emotionally anymore. I'm starting to wonder if he ever has.
So let us begin this bitch picnic from here.
Now I'm pretty convinced he is either cheating on me, or thinking about it. This kind of behavior is just too typical of the last ones I've seen cheat on me (especially when it's an online affair). He swears he isn't and I don't have any proof (because frankly I'm too lazy to dig for any) so I just randomly assume he is and drop it.
So...basically this is where it stands for the last oh, 5 months. I never see him, we rarely speak - unless it is for him to tell me to not talk to people online or to inform me that anything I know or have heard/read is wrong. I know he still lives with me because I hear him showering and leaving to go 'walk around' at 3am, and I clean up the Tunguska level event devastation the next morning while he mumbles 'mornin have a good day work k bye'. I just don't know if he lives with me emotionally anymore. I'm starting to wonder if he ever has.
So let us begin this bitch picnic from here.
Welcome
Since my boyfriend doesn't want to hear my complaints, and my girlfriends don't need to hear them, I'm going to log it here from now on, in the hopes that one day, after I am fed up enough, he might read this and glean a bit of insight into all the things he has done that have created the emotionally shut up girlfriend with the sewn shut vagina. Maybe my suggestions will come in handy when he finds his perfect girlfriend. Or serve as a warning for her. Whichever.
Enjoy the trainwreck.
Enjoy the trainwreck.
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